Ben is 56 years old, and he works as an administrator at a university. He describes the way he learned to listen to God in prayer, and what he listens for:
In my twenties and thirties, I was a history professor and department chair. I always loved studying and learning and teaching, and I always kept very busy doing it. There simply wasnt a lot of time for reflection. Or, to be more accurate, I didnt choose to take any time for reflection during those years. When Im honest about it, I can see that in my forties, I didnt have any fewer pressures to do things, its just that I could no longer resist the pressure from within to spend some amount of time reflecting.
In my forties, I pastored a church and I had to preach every week. Week after week I found myself preaching about the inner journey of faith. What a surprise to me!
I had known about contemplative prayer for years, but I never felt drawn to it until I experienced this irresistible drive to spend time focusing on my inward journey. Thats when contemplative prayer began to make sense to me.
Some people call it midlife, but I dont want to trivialize this huge shift that I experienced by giving it such a trite label. To me, it was an earthshaking change, to shift my focus from the outer world of teaching and activities to the inner world of feelings and reflections.
I can see now what a gift it was that I was able to be a pastor when that shift was going on. Each week I had time to study for my sermon. Sure, as a professor I had studied to prepare for my lectures. But that was study of something out there -- history. My sermon preparations were truly a study of what was inside, my own personal journey with God.
I began to see the centrality of grace. I had always believed grace was at the heart of the Christian faith, but through contemplative prayer I began to experience Gods grace for me. For me! Just for me!
My quiet times changed. Before the shift, I had focused on Bible study and intercessory prayer. Those are both good things, and I still engage in both. After the shift, the center of my quiet time became sitting in silence, waiting for God to speak to me. Ive learned that Im not listening for words or even guidance; Im looking for an assurance that I am loved. When I take the time in the morning to wait until I have that assurance, my day is transformed. I find I can act out of the abundance of Gods grace rather than out of a need to prove myself. This sounds like a small change, but it is a revolutionary difference.
In my fifties, Ive returned to a university setting. From the outside, my life looks a lot like it did in my thirties when I chaired the history department at the university where I taught. Every day Im busy meeting with people, teaching, creating vision, making plans. But now everything is different because I have an attitude of listening to God that permeates everything.
I still try to spend time each morning in the university chapel, waiting until I hear Gods word of love and grace for me. All the activities of my days are centered in that voice of love and grace. Im living my life much more in response to Gods initiative now. Before my big shift I lived my life based on what I thought I should be doing.
For me, thats the main point of contemplative prayer: listening to God so our lives can flow out of his love and grace.
This is the 13thpost in a series on growing in listening to God in prayer. The previous posts are:
Listening to God in prayer
My journey
Alone or with others
Breath prayer
Distractions in silent prayer
Noticing Gods presence
Looking back at 2017
A new approach to the Bible
Key questions about listening to God
Lectio Divina:A pattern for letting God speak through scripture
Imagining yourself in a Bible story
Praying the Psalms
[Next week: Availability.Illustration by Dave Baab. If youd like to receive an email when I post on this blog, sign up under Subscribe in the right hand column.]
Lent this year begins next week on Valentines Day. If youd like a devotional for Lent, you may enjoy the one I wrote a couple of years ago with reflection questions on a psalm for each day of Lent. I've had good feedback from people who have used it on their own and also from others who used it in a small group. My husband Daves beautiful paintings provide illustrations for it.Available here.
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