Little did I know là gì

Little did I know that on 15 April 1998 my life would change forever.

Little did I know that I would learn just how strong I could be at the times I have felt most vulnerable.

Little did I know that as my beta cells were being destroyed, a fire was stirring up as I readied myself for a career in advocacy.

Little did I know the power of insulin.

Little did I know that what would save me was my peers walking the same path, before me and with me.

Little did I know that I would be able to escape into my head as I tried to make sense of diabetes, and from there I would start to share my story.

Little did I know that while I felt the health I took for granted be swept out from under me, that I would actually become the healthiest I ever could.

Little did I know that my focus would move from music education to information provision about living well with diabetes

Little did I know that the love and support of strangers would see me through some of my darkest times.

Little did I know how much my family would rally around me, hold me up and get me through.

Little did I know that use-by dates on boxes of lancets are a waste of time!

Little did I know that sometimes, laughter, while not necessarily being the best medicine [insulin gets that award!], it is certainly what helps to make a situation manageable.

Little did I know that my then-boyfriend, now-husband, would be the greatest quiet advocate I could ever hope for.

Little did I know just how fortunate I am to have been diagnosed with diabetes living in Australia, or how uneven the diabetes landscape is for those in some parts of the world.

Little did I understand privilege.

Little did I know that I would learn to wear the badge of deliberately non-compliant defiantly, proudly, loudly.

Little did I know that the combined challenges of diabetes combined pregnancy would almost break me, the reward would be a daughter who has, every day, repaired the hurt, heartache and pain. In spades.

Little did I know that advocating for those of us affected by diabetes to be given the first seat at the table, and a microphone at a conference would be the underlying message of all my work.

Little did I know that the voices that matter are often the ones that dont get to be heard.

Little did I know that my body would be permanently connected to technology that allows me to do the very best I can.

Little did I know that someone nodding and agreeing that my health condition sucks big time is actually all I need to hear when things are so tough.

Little did I know that while there were times the health system and the healthcare professionals within it seemed to be trying to work against whatever it as that I was achieve, once I found the ones who would listen to me and work alongside me, I have felt nothing but supported.

Little did I know that food was such a source of political angst, or something that others felt they have the right to force upon others.

Little did I know that there are so many cures for diabetes; none of which work.

Little did I know the power that words have the power they have to build me up and to cut me down, often at the same time.

Little did I know that Twitter and Facebook would be platforms I use to share, to learn, to engage.

Little did I know that the anchors of love, support and friendship I have found in the diabetes world are just as important, if not the most important, aspect to my diabetes care.

I know all that now. And so much more. My diabetes turns twenty this weekend, and with it, I feel a sense of achievement, relief, triumph. And deep-seated sadness, too.

I feel diabetes has taken a lot from me, but it has also given me some gifts that have shaped me into the person I am today. I feel now that I can stop feeling like a newbie in the diabetes world and perhaps stake some claim to being part of, if not the old school, the middle school.

When I was diagnosed, the idea of living with diabetes for twenty years seemed like a life sentence and I guess in some ways, it kind of is. I still fear what is around the corner; there is so much unknown about diabetes. But I feel I can look back with some pride and complete understanding of how fortunate I am. I managed to get through the first twenty years relatively unscathed mostly through luck and circumstance.

I cant say Im necessary looking forward to the next twenty years of diabetes. But Im doing all I can to be ready for it.

More diaversary writing:

16 years Diaversary: Words to 24 year old me

17 years #DayOfDiabetes

18 years On this day

19 years Heart on my sleeve